I was at an event where they did an activity, the person in charge gave us a piece of paper and a pencil and told us to write down five goals while I was thinking about what it was going to write down. Behind me was a couple. Everything was fine until that moment. Then I heard a whisper.
Person #1: Just put something you want a plan, a goal, I don't know.
Then a reply back.
Person #2: I don't know what to put. I just don't know.
That's what I heard. I just kept focus on what I was going to write down. In the end, it was an exercise just to write down our plans and goals and have them written down. Although it may be a simple example and it even sounds easy to write down five goals. But if we are honest, many times we cannot put in the specific words or express on clear ideas what we want. Or worse, we don't have plans or expectations for the future. And a simple activity can turn into a confrontational moment.
If we don't take time to meet the things that we really want, those things that we yearn for. Let me remind us that we have to make decisions anyway. And instead of moving forward with at least a little confidence towards the thing that we want, we will base our decisions on external pressures, such as the expectation of other people, what others understand that we should or should not do.
And these days, not knowing what you want is disrespecting ourself because we will not have priorities. That means walking hand-in-hand with anyone who does, even if they go against our convictions, or we will run the risk that someone asks us to write down five goals and we don't know what to put.
And all this of writing our plans and goals, although it sounds simple, has its own benefit and helps a lot when it comes to improving long term memory, remembering ideas and things like that. Because apart from the fact that we have something physical to remember it, which is the piece of paper or the notes on your cell phone, we have something written down, so to speak, in our brains. I say this because the brain saved the information we write down as important information. It is, even if a field called neural coding related to neuroscience. And hey, there is a lot of information out there on that. So if you want to know about that, go read or listen to those who know about it and then come back. But let me ask you this. What do you used to do when the teacher used to say:
Teacher: this is going to be on the test?
Oh, you wrote it right. If you want good grades, otherwise you didn't care about it.
Actually, my intention today is not to talk about the importance of writing what you want, but rather to ask you if you know what you want, because it doesn't matter if we get bombarded with all the information about the importance of writing things down and how your brain works and all that.
If you really don't know what you want, although there is something in this of knowing what you want, that I would like to make it clear before moving forward and is that this of knowing what you want. It's a matter of desires. And if there is something that we must keep an eye on, it's our desires. Because if we are honest, there are not always back up by our best intentions. Filtering our desires by the will of God is never a bad idea.
The author of the book Sacred Rhythms, Ruth Haley Barton, say:
Ruth Haley Barton: Jesus usually ask questions to his followers so that they will say what their wishes were. That led them to a deeper, a more honest reflection about their desires in order to make decisions that were aligned with what they say they want and with their spiritual and moral convictions.
For example, one of those normal days for Jesus, you know, going from town to town, people following him, where he was going and so on. One of those days when he was entering a town on the road, there was a man named Bartimaeus. He was begging basically because he was blind when he knew he was Jesus who was passing by he started to shout his name
Bartimaeus: Jesus, son of David, have mercy on me.
But the people who were there began to tell him, due, are you crazy? Stop yelling. But he began to shout even louder:
Bartimaeus: Jesus, son of David, have mercy on me.
Then Jesus stood up and say:
Jesus: bring that wild guy.
Do you know what Jesus asked him? Rather the only thing Jesus ask him. What do you want, what do you want me to do for you? Jesus did not ask him, what do you think? What do you believe, he asked him, What do you want? It was a question about his desires and Bartimaeu’s answer was simple. There all vulnerable with need and with his desire on his face. He said:
Bartimaeus: that I receive my sight. I want to see
And Jesus did it and saw him. You are healed because you trust me. In other words, he has faith. And I think the same thing happened with us when we bring our desires to Jesus that lead us to a deeper, a more honest reflection of what we want so we can make decisions that align what we say we want with our spiritual and moral convictions. Bartimaeus did not say ‘’I have to’’ regain my sight. No, he say his desire. ‘’I want to’’ and he let Jesus do the older part.
Our desires can be toxic only if we demand and manipulate to achieve the results we want. And that's what I want to make clear before moving forward to try to get our desires first through the filter of God's will so that we can avoid some discouragements along the way, because getting to the end of the ladder only to find out that the ladder was leaning to the wrong goal, I don't think that's the best way to learn.
And in all honesty, my intention is not to come here and say that I have it all figured it out and that I know how to do this and that I will be a hypocrite because I appoint people like that. Rather, I come here to share only what I'm actually practicing. No fantasy, no perfect life. We got social media for that. Oops, sorry. Not really.
But honestly, what do you want? Most people don't say what they want in life. What do you want to achieve, who they want to be or what's important for them. And that is disturbing. For example, friendships we take at them as they come. You like apple, I like pineapple, we talk about fruits and we are friends for life. No, we have to be honest, at least with ourselves. What kind of friends do I want? what kind of life do I want? What kind of future do I want? But for that you have to be intentional.
And there is something very important we must take into account in all this of knowing what we want and that is community. We have to be willing to create a safe environment with the people we have chosen to be in our closest circle to share our desires, goals and plans.
When I say a safe environment, I mean, to be clear, this is what I want and this is my purpose. That is when we must be open to constructive criticism for these people to tell you and you to them. Well, if that's what you want, then you have to start paying attention to what do you invest your time in. Oh, that's what you're passionate about. Well, then you can spend every weekend watching Netflix or going here and there and not working on what you are passionate about.
I believe that a community is essential in the life of each one of us. I don't think the people can be who they should be without community and a community that doesn't have to be five hundred people. It can be five. It can be three. It can be the right people, not just a group of people, but the right people, those who are willing to confront you when they must but are committed to growing along with you.
C.S. Lewis and J. R. R. Tolkien. Were part of a group of fifteen friends who review the projects they were creating and criticizing each other to improve each other's work. And if you don’t know who they were, at least you have to know what came out of that group of friends. Perhaps you have heard the most famous work of J.R.R Tolkien, the Lord of the Rings, or C.S. Lewis, The Chronicles of Narnia. And if that doesn't convince you, Banana Boat Crew for friends who have support, confront and help each other in their professional life. And I'm talking about four future NBA Hall of Fame, LeBron James, Dwayne Wade, Chris Paul, and Carmelo Anthony.
Fifteen, four. It doesn't matter. I repeat, a community doesn't have to be five hundred people. It can be five. It can be three. It can be the right people, not just a bunch of people, but the right people. Those who are willing to confront you when they must but are committed to growing along with you. Be intentional in what you want.
And I'm going to finish with this. Something that I've learned recently is that life is not a recipe. Do this study that makes connections here, save that much money. Invest here, raise your children like this, start doing this, and that, and boom, you'll be happy and successful. No.
And hey, although all that is possible, but that will be in a world where everything goes exactly as your planet and there are no tragedies, there is no unexpected situation where there are no people who take advantage of the good intentions of others, a world where everyone has the same privilege, you know, a perfect world.
But if you are breathing and you are over a certain age, you probably already realize that these are not like that. And with this, I don't mean that you don't have to plan. On the contrary, that's the worst disease that I have. My point here is to consider that things do not always go the way we planned, much less the way society tells us.
And I think that one of the reasons why sometimes we feel so frustrated is because we focus, we even prioritize what others understand where we should invest, achieve or do. And I'm talking about society, culture, even family members and friends.
We have been taught to make a plan for our life based on five or 10 years, and there is nothing wrong with that. But in a world where anything can happen, epidemic, for instance, I don't think that in our minds we're close to where in reality would be five or 10 years from now. But planning based on who you are, what is important to you, and what your core values are, that's different.
Paul Brown, author and business columnist of Forbes magazine, said it best. He said:
Paul Brown: Instead of thinking about what a perfect life, career or job will be and starting to make decisions based on that, it's better to start with a direction based on real desires, on what you want, then complement that with a tragedy to discover and create opportunities based on your desire.
Crystal-Clear there. In other words, identify your desires, filter them, take one step, learn from that step, and do it over and over again. Identify your desires, filter, and then take a step. Learn from that step and keep going and do it over and over again.
That is why knowing what you want, that determines the decisions you make.
I'm going to use your work or a professional career as an analogy. This is where many will stop listening to me. But here I go. Knowing what you want often means dedicating 10 years of your life to a job that you are not passionate about to leave the rest of your life working on what you are passionate about because you knew what you want. You invest 10 years building what you are willing to wake up early, go to bed late, and spend hours of the weekend working simply because you reflect deeply and honestly on what you want, and you were able to make decisions that were aligned with what you say you want with your spiritual and moral convictions.